"My heart is full today." People are always saying that when my church congregation meets. And today it's true for me. My heart is absolutely bursting with a tangly nest of emotions. So proud of my children, yet annoyed that they aren't a little more sensitive to all of this ridiculous cleaning I'm doing now that the house is on the market. So sad to be leaving Primary (our children's ministry) but also a little relieved at lessened church responsibility. Sad to leave our extended family here but glad to see more of the other extended family members in Arizona. Already missing the glory that is Michigan in the summertime, but a little annoyed at still needing to use the heater in May.
And on this day, Mother's Day, my heart is full of conflicting feelings about this work I do. Sometimes I think if things were just cuter around here--like Nie Nie's house, with super chic lamps and pillows--there would be a happier vibe. Sometimes I think I need to loosen up a LOT and let things get dirty and chaotic more often. There are days when I love mothering and I feel like we're really a happy family. More often I really worry that I'm messing up my kids and modeling undesirable habits and behavior (Diet Coke on the breakfast table, anyone?) I take comfort in the fact that each day I can tweak my mothering and hopefully improve.