the vandal

In the past few weeks of endless, laborious, detailed cleaning (house is now on the market!) I have discovered that the 8 year old is way into graffiti.  He has always commented on it and admired it as we drive along the freeway in Detroit; apparently he has been practicing it at home.  I found it on the underside of the top bunk (written for his brother to see):  "I smell like poo."  "I wear titey witeys."  Some sort of unidentifiable words are written in silver Sharpie on the outside of the house.  More silver Sharpie all over his skateboard:  "Goofy" (his preferred method of riding the skateboard), "Caroline" (the much older girl he has a crush on), and "Wow" (his sarcastic response to just about everything.)  Found some drawings on the ceiling of the car (not sure if those will ever come out), under the kitchen table, and on cereal boxes.  I actually caught him with a can of spray paint in the garage the other day... he was going to paint a piece of cardboard leaning right next to the car.  Hoping he ends up like Banksy and not in juvi.

my heart is full

"My heart is full today."  People are always saying that when my church congregation meets.  And today it's true for me. My heart is absolutely bursting with a tangly nest of emotions. So proud of my children, yet annoyed that they aren't a little more sensitive to all of this ridiculous cleaning I'm doing now that the house is on the market.  So sad to be leaving Primary (our children's ministry) but also a little relieved at lessened church responsibility.  Sad to leave our extended family here but glad to see more of the other extended family members in Arizona.  Already missing the glory that is Michigan in the summertime, but a little annoyed at still needing to use the heater in May.  

And on this day, Mother's Day, my heart is full of conflicting feelings about this work I do.  Sometimes I think if things were just cuter around here--like Nie Nie's house, with super chic lamps and pillows--there would be a happier vibe.  Sometimes I think I need to loosen up a LOT and let things get dirty and chaotic more often.  There are days when I love mothering and I feel like we're really a happy family.  More often I really worry that I'm messing up my kids and modeling undesirable habits and behavior (Diet Coke on the breakfast table, anyone?)  I take comfort in the fact that each day I can tweak my mothering and hopefully improve.