I would love love to embrace Nabokov's view of sleep as “the most moronic fraternity in the world, with the heaviest dues and the crudest rituals.” How I wish I could truly function on the 4 hours of sleep my body is willing to dole out at a time and rush about saying things like, "Life is for living! I'll sleep when I'm dead!" Etcetera. Instead I chase it like that shiny, transparent butterfly on the Lunesta commercials. It might eventually light on my shoulder for a moment, but then off it flits to set up camp elsewhere (mostly likely on the immobile man next to me, blissfully unaware of his poor wife's midnight plight.)
Since we moved I've had to find new doctors for everyone, which means I had to try to explain my Little Problem to my new doctor and endure the inevitable assumptions, which are, in no particular order: 1) I'm depressed, 2) I never exercise, 3) I drink too much caffeine at night.
(Some of those assumptions might actually apply far more often than I will admit.) "So," the doctor said, "You must have some anxiety. What do you worry about at night?"
What do I worry about at night? Seabiscuit and Belinda Carlisle, that's what I worry about. And it's not exactly worrying. In an all-hands-on-deck effort to stay awake, my brain finds a little task that MUST be accomplished immediately, such as remembering the name of the lead singer of the Go-Gos. Or the name of that one famous racehorse, no, not Secretariat, the other one, also in a movie... what was his name? Let's ponder this from 4:00 am to 5:30 am, shall we?
There's only one solution here. It's been obvious for about 6 months now. I just need an iPad so I can easily look up the answer I need and join the moronic fraternity a little sooner.
6 comments:
That was my exact thought. Google would be faster...maybe move the computer next to your bed?
Seriously, I'm sorry. That sucks. You could always try herbs or sleeping pills, but you probably know that already...
You could always come by and hang with Grant. He likes the nighttime too.
Wow - I'm so sorry -- that's horrible. I can't function like that either.
Strange thing is that lately I've been having a hard time going to sleep, even when I'm tired. And I'm not really anxious or worried about anything either. Well, I am, but that's not where my mind goes when I lie down.
Have you tried keeping a notebook by the side of your bed? Writing stuff down sometimes helps.
Every time Tony reads to me I fall asleep in about 2 seconds. Then the challenge becomes staying asleep, or avoiding nightmares that make me feel like I've been up worrying all night :)
I have some papers on my bedside table and I just write down those to-do list, wish list, or whatever keeping my brain awake. Once they are on the paper, I find myself able to fall back to sleep again. Though, I like the iPad idea. But if it were me, I may ended up looking more stuff up, spending more time on the internet, thus not sleeping anyway....sorry, I'm not really helping.
This totally sucks.
That said, I loved this post. Your imagery and wording were brilliant. Really enjoyable to read--not so much that you are suffering from insomnia, but the way you wrote it....Hope that makes sense.
And I know what you mean about those dumb little things niggling at your brain. I don't have this problem in the middle of the night typically (then it is always, "Did I lock the door?" "What if some scary burglar breaks in?" "Who will get which kid if there is a fire?" "Why, oh, why have I never detailed an escape route and assembled a 72-hour kit like they tell us to?") but at other times of the day when I am actually trying to be productive.
I'm with Patty: your writing is gorgeous. You know....NaNoWriMo is coming up..... might be a nice way to spend all of those extra non-slumbering hours?
That being said, keeping a note pad by the bed, as has been mentioned by others, has helped me at night. (Keeping one on the side of the fridge has also helped me from getting distracted during the day, since usually any little tidbit that enters my mind is an excuse to search the internet from my Droid.) (I should also note that when I have my Droid by my bed it does NOT increased my sleep. Just the opposite.)
Good luck, Reba!
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